Steal my sunshine
by LylSev
Summary: AU: Addek are married, they have tons of problems. No money, too much drugs, no really friends. How can they deal with it? Dark, Angst, Drugs, Sex, Family.... . PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys!

Yes this is gonna be very dark, dark bad bad story. so if you are 10 and you are having nightmares during the night, don't read it! or I hope I write it that good that some people will have the nightmares, that would be my pleasure :D.

I'm a GA fan so I'm not writing this because I hate them and I want to give them a bad story. I'm writing it because I love to write people's feelings. Yes, I'm a psychopathic person but believe me you would never notice me in the real life, I don't look like that :D.

I OWN NOTHING.

_The story teller is Addison Montgomery. _

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I'm sober, one more time again I'm sober. I woke up on the floor in the middle of our cloths, of some books, next to the people who I have never met, or I have no idea I met them. I don't know their names, I can't tell you that I know their faces. I don't take it seriously, in our flat there is always somebody who I don't know. I wanted a coffee so I made a coffee for myself. But the thing what was supposed to be coffee tastes like socks with water. I told him not to do it. Not to buy this shit but he did. My lovely man. My dreamy man is lying in the sofa, vomit around him, he is skinny and pale, I can't even look at him. He used to be a handsome dark haired, mystery man and now when I married him he is a wreck. I'm the wreck. We are two lost souls who are drawing in their own shits. When we have a good days, he tells me that he loves me, but how can you really love someone when you tell it them only when you have enough drugs?

I have been always the best one in the class, I was always the one with the best marks and I was accepted to the med school, I was one of the best. I was because now I don't have a power to stand up and brush my teeth. I have no idea how long I haven't brushed my teeth and I don't feel uncomfortable I just don't care. The only thing I want is run, run away. Run away from the misery, run away from the destiny, run away with him and from him. He is the only reason why I'm here, Derek Shepherd, Derek Christopher Shepherd.

I messed up, people messed up but I don't think I can take it back, I don't study to be a doc anymore, my parents blocked my credit card, I don't have any money, I have nothing. I have to work and I do. I'm a waitress in the McDonald, I'm a housekeeper during the weekends, I'm a girl for everything, really for everything. Yes I know what you are thinking about. But guys aren't that bad and I don't take it too seriously. I'm 20 and I need money. People do desperate things when they need money so don't judge me.

Derek is here, he woke up, my prince, my knight, my man, my enemy, my worst fear. He hugged me, gave me a kiss and the only thing what I wanted was to stop it, I can't feel him near me, I know he is killing me, he did it to me, he destroyed me, I'm too low to leave him.

We have to win this war together.

When we were younger and we just started to experiment with drugs it was different, we thought we have a control, we thought we can fight our fear, we can stop it anytime, but now we are slowly dying. Nobody can save us. Or can they?

"Derek" I told him and he turned, he didn't smile, he didn't say anything. I was looking for the old Derek, for the one who I loved who I met and who I wanted to be happy with, who I wanted to have kids with. I saw him, somewhere in his eyes there was a boy who liked to hide in his room and dreams about the future, somewhere there is my Derek and I'm gonna fight for him.

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well, I do hope you liked it.

please tell me your opinion

3 reviews and I will write more and faster.

if you want to ask something feel free to write your questions in the reviews or you can write me a message or I can give you my MSN, really I'm bored I'm talking-lover person :D. Don't be scared! :D


	2. Chapter 2

thanks you all for your reviews! it means a lot to me! really you have no idea, nobody even reviewed some of my stories so I'm happy for every world you have written :D and when some of the reviewers are the authors themselves wow I'm proud :D

please keep reviewing that's what makes me alive :D

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The only reason why I wake up every morning is that I'm not strong enough to give up. I can't commit the suicide because I'm scared of the death, of the enemy. I'm scared that after the death there is no heaven or hell because the hell is near, the hell is here, around me. I'm dying or I died somewhere in the middle in my journey. I died somewhere between my teenage years and childhood. When my parents divorced, when my brother left me. I was alone, I'm alone. Nothing has ever changed. People told me it will get better. Things will get better, they said I will find a man who I will be happy with, i will find my prince. they said it even if I was enough old to know that there is no prince , there is no happy ending. I knew it when I was 16 and my grandma told me it will be ok after my father left my mother, I listened to her, I believed that maybe my grandmother can save the world. But after 3 months she died. She died, slowly and in pain. I know it she did have a cancer, I studied medicine don't try to fool me, I know how does it go. She told me it is ok, that she feels fine when I came to her hospital room but it wasn't, I felt it in the air, I saw it in her eyes. i could breathe the death, I could feel the death is waiting, going around the hospital and coming closer and closer to the granny Rosie. And one day it was enough, the end, finito. She wasn't there anymore and I was happy, somewhere in the middle I was happy that it's ended, because I couldn't stay the pain anymore. I was happy that I don't need to watch her dying, to watch her pain I prayed for the end and the end was there. When she died I was the loneliest person in this planet and I moved away from my parents to Derek. I was 17 and I knew him just for a two months when we started to live together. When I was 18 I started to drink vodka, smoke weeds and I enjoyed the parties and my parents didn't care they didn't notice. I was good at school, I didn't have to do anything, I was just smart. My classmates were jealous, they had to learn for hours and I did have good marks for nothing.

When I went to the med school, I stopped being the jackass, I learned and was a good girl for a while but once I took too much and I crushed the car, the policeman called my father and he blocked the credit card. His friend saw me taking a cocaine and my father told me he doesn't want to see me anymore. Why should he care? His 25 years younger wife gave him two sweet sons. My mother left the country, she moved to Australia where she opened a restaurant and found a new of course younger man. She is happy now, I guess. Of course, why she shouldn't ? She has my father's money and she is from the rich family.

Is here anybody who cares about me?

8 am, I should go to work, maybe the white queen can help me.

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so what do you think?

write more or not?

I hope you like it

please at least 3 reviews

white queen is a nickname for cocaine

btw no I don't take drugs, this is not from my own experience and I don't drink, smoke or anything..... :)


	3. Chapter 3

Like I said I work in the McDonald, sounds funny, doesn't it? My father is a lawyer, co owner of my of the best lay offices in the country. My brother, the student of the Harvard the proudness of my mother, the daughter of the Ronald Forbes. But the point is I hate my work. I really do, I hate to listen to people who can't choose between the fucking hamburger or cheese burger, I absolutely hate this fat creepy kids who can eat 3 big Macs in one day and I hate their parents who make them that creepy. What will they life be? They will sit in their fat lazy asses and do nothing because of their rich parents? of course my life could be that nice too but I chose the different and harder way. What can I do now? 8 hours per day I'm staying on my poor aching legs, waiting till people chose their meal even if they don't know what we are making with their chicken. When I finish I can go home, go home? really home? What does it mean for you? I have never had a home, the only home I have been in life was when I visited my grandmother.

Derek does nothing in this time, oh maybe he goes to school, wow how cool is it? I'm working every day and he does what? nothing, I pay all the bills, I pay for our food, for his stupid stuffs and he is playing with his rock band and looking for the cheapest drugs which taste like a shit.

Finally I'm in my flat, the fridge is empty again, I should go and buy something to eat but I'm too lazy, maybe once in a time he can go and buy something himself. I'm crazy person that I'm still with him but love is blind.

My work continues at night, dark eyeliner, red lips, sweet smile, sexy little black one, high heels........ and Rosa Negra. I have no idea why every whorehouse in the city have the Spanish name. It's kind of racist but who cares.

Siting in the chair next to the bar, I need to drink as much as I can, I can't be drunk but I can' t be able to think normal because if I was able to think normal, I wouldn't be there, I wouldn't live this life. So I'm sitting here, trying to be invisible, I have a plan, I've worked here for almost a year and I have a plan. I try to be invisible so I don't have too much clients but I have just one or two in one night. That's good you know, not that much money but not that much work.

Oh, one guy is looking at me, I kind of know him. I really know him. Where have I seen him?

Oh god, oh god. This is my ex professor! This guy is teaching at the med school, he is even married and have two small kids! What is he doing here? Why is he looking at me? Did he recognize me? I'm afraid he did. He is coming closer and closer. I know what will be next. He will ask me if the seat is taken, buy me a drink and then follow me to the room. I just hope it will be fast.

Like I said, he bought me a drink, took me to the room and we did have sex. But it wasn't like it was supposed to be He was rude and vulgar, he kind of raped me. I hate this old men who are loving husbands but when they come here they are like animals, they know what they want but they don't even care about you, they don't care if they hurt you or not, they don't care if you are uncomfortable or not, they don't take you as a human.

When he left me, all in bruises and cuts with mouth full of blood I stayed in the room, cried. I cried as hard as I can because of him, because of pain, because of Derek, I wanted to die so badly. After a few minutes I stopped feel, my feeling disappeared, I stared in the ceiling, I felt like my eyes wanted to burn the ceiling, I felt like the floor is moving and then I stood up, took his money and told Kyle that my shit ended, he looked and me and he knew what I meant, told me to calm down, took some rest and that this bastard will never show here again.

Kyle is a chief of all this mess. He is a pimp here, but he is not that guy who will kill you when you don't give him your whole money or who has his monkeys who will force you to work every day. He is a human and if you are nice to him, he will be nice to you too. At least you can leave this place whenever you want.

I almost collapsed in my car when I was driving I almost killed a young couple. Young happy couple, how bad person am I?

The only think which I wanted was a bath with many many bubbles, I prayed for a little piece, please Derek don't be home, don't be home.

and he was, He was there waiting. The only thing which he asked me was if I have a money, I gave him everything, he started to kiss me telling me that he loves me, I stopped him, run away from him and locked myself in the bathroom.

"What are you bitch? you are fucking every stranger in the town but not your own husband?! go to hell!"

I'm in the hell, I'm in the hell right now and there is no one who could save me.

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sooo? yes I know this chapter is very very dark but please don't give up it will get better don't worry :)

I'm not promising happy ending, their way will be very painful but at least I warmed you

please review!


	4. Chapter 4

I'm so sorry for the long waiting for next chap but it seems like no one cares so I'm very thankful to everyone who has read the story

please write me a review and make my day :)

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After this little accident, well it's easier to talk about it like an accident ... I was totally exhausted, I guess I have spent two hours in the bathroom just in case that I didn't want to face Derek. He was really in a bad mood, tomorrow it was his first day as an intern, sure Derek didn't give up his dreams I did, but who cared?

I made sure he is sleeping before I opened the door and moved to the living room, I was totally exhausted but sleeping wasn't possible for me right now.

I was bleeding and for some minutes I was really worried but I decided not to be, who cares, bleeding doesn't hurt and the death would be peaceful.

Shame, the bleeding stopped and I was alive, again, like a soldier who had to be prepared for another war, another fight. Sounds like I'm very pathetic these days. Who cares.

I tried to turn on the TV but these stupid shows just reminded me about our empty lives. Sure, it was 2 am, and normal people were in their beds so there weren't any intelligent program in it.

Kyle gave me two days off and because I have to see my doctor I have other two days technically 4 days. I have to see Mike, the OB/GYN from the local hospital, he has a private practice and because he married one of "Kyle's girls" and he is something like his cousin or something he helps us, just some tests of blood that we don't have AIDS, it's not possible we are very carefully but people should be sure right?

I have no idea what I will do the whole days, maybe I should take a walk or something. Walking deprives me, you can see happy faces around you, I learned how not to be jealous of other people's lives but still people always want more that they have.

Staring in to the celling is a boring thing, so after an hour of it I decided I could clean, I started cleaning the kitchen and noticed how such a pig my husband is. Really this 2 weeks dirty cup isn't mine!

Derek woke up early, surely he wanted to be at work in time to show people how good student he is.

But we all know who he is, don't we?

Ok I have spent the whole day watching the TV and eating the ice cream, something what I haven't done in a loong time, I invited my friend, Maria. We work together and we are kind the same, she is nice, dark haired girl, 4 years older than me, she has a boyfriend too but she is planning on giving up the job in a few months, she saved all the money for the university and now she finally wants to start her new life.

When she arrived, we made a popcorn, watched some romantic movies, laughed, bubbled, I really felt like a 20 year old, it was fun. I really enjoyed the day.

"Addie, aren't you planning on giving up ...?"

"Giving up? "

"You can do better than this"

"I .... "

"I saw you yesterday, I'm not blind Ads, you should find something better, you can do better than this, you were miserable but not it's much worse, pick up yourself, leave this Derek and start again, don't you want to move to Boston with us?"

"What about Jeffrey?"

"Well I didn't say you will live with us forever but for a while, then you can find a job, find a flat, start again" she giggled

"You should try...."

I looked at her and I knew she is right but I wasn't in the mood for it right now

"So when are you going to see Mike? "

"Tomorrow 8 am"

"Ok, same here, will you come to my place? "

"Yeah sure"

"see you tomorrow then"

"take care Adds, "

"love you Mary "

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the next chapter : seeing the doc, well and then Addison's fight for a new life will start :)

please review :)


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys, I'm so sorry I haven't upload earlier but I was failing at school so I was little bit stressful about it, but I'm going to the 3rd year :D so just 2 years and then uni or work yay!

thanks so much to Jennifer for her support! and thanks so much to Leona who wrote me a review for my last chapter and I couldn't respond because she wasn't log in.

I won't beg you for the review NO! just enjoy my writing, write me your opinion if you want and take care of yourself.

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I met Maria in 7 am, she came to my flat, had a breakfast, we didn't speak at all. Not that I wanted to talk at all but after the our of staring in front of me I got bored and started the stupid conversation of some stupid stuffs like the weather, movies etc.

When we came to see Mike we were the first one. Maybe he just didn't want other patients to see that he is a DrHooker, that's his nickname Dr Hooker for the hookers.

I let Maria to be the first one and stayed in the waiting room. Beautiful happy pictures of cute babies and smiling mommies, kind of depressing stuff to me. I almost felt asleep when Mike called my name. I came not even stressed but then I realized that I have some scars and damages on my body and he will surely see it.

Michael has been always a nice person, you would want this kind of husband. He has a warmly brown eyes, short dark hair and he is tall, he looks mysterious and nice, like there is just something in him what makes you like him.

He started to examine me and we talked about the weather about his wife, about their son which was weird because when you are sitting here naked and someone is talking to you in the position and you just wish to run out from this room and never come back it's just weird to talk about how is his son loves cars.

But at least he didn't mention any of my bruises, cuts and anything.

"Addie we have to make an ultrasound, is it ok? "

"Fine"

I laid down on the bed, I kind of wanted to sleep but I was kind of worried that something is wrong.

"is something wrong with me? "

"I just have to check , I'm not sure.."

"How long is it till you haven't got your period?"

"Well it's about 2 months and a half but you know I have had always some kinds of problems with it and I lost weight so I thought it's ok, it just happens from time to time"

"I know ...." he put the gel on my belly

"Is there something wrong?"

"your injuries aren't that bad, you heal fast and your baby didn't get hurt"

"baby?"

I couldn't catch my breathe I literally couldn't breathe, why my lungs don't work properly?

it's like in this moment everything stopped, I saw his face and now I was staring but I couldn't open my mouth so say something, I felt my heartbeat, at first it was fast and then it was slowly, I couldn't believe I have another life inside of me, I couldn't believe I will be a mother, I slowly touched my stomach, I couldn't feel him but I felt like a connection between us. strange maybe I took to much of cocaine, maybe it's just a dream, it's not real, it couldn't be, the sex with my clients is always very safe, it has to be ......... Derek's, we don't use the protection too much. we haven't even cared about it too much, doctors have told me that it would be hard to get pregnant for me and even for a drug addict! almost unreal and now here it is I have a baby. Mike gently let me take the news.

"So Addie, you have like 2 weeks to make a decision............"

" I don't want to make a decision. Is there any chance that I can I can have a heathy baby? "

"there is the chance, you will have to reduce drugs, we will make it slowly so the baby will be able to adapt, if we start early the baby won't have to "take drugs" after the birth, you will have to visit me every week to check on the baby, you have to get some weight up. "

" I can take it, I will do anything for him"

"Him?"

"yes him"

he smiled to himself of course I don't know it's a boy but having a boy would be nice! even if I would be happy for the girl too

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so like I said Addie is starting a new life :)

hope I will get a chance to upload earlier :)

have a nice day


	6. Chapter 6

sorry for long waiting, really honestly I'm very very sorry.

I just hope you like this chapter. it's darker but there is still a light in the darkness :)

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I went home with a little hope with a little light inside of my heart. My lips could create something like a smile. Even in my shitty life there is a hope, something what is saving me now, something what I can live for. In this moment I was sure I will do everything to my baby. I should tell it somebody, not Derek yet. I want it to be special. Maria? Well I have no one other.

Maria was kind of surprised by my news but when she heard my happy voice she probably decided to be happy for me. She started to asking me questions what I'm gonna do, if I think it's a girl or a boy. I had to look after my breathing because I was so excited that I forgot to breathe.

The worst part was coming. Derek still wasn't home from his shift and I wanted everything to be perfect. I made a chicken by the recipe which gave me my granny. I hoped he will like it and he will be happy as me for our child. But then I didn't know how naive I was.

When he came home, he was bored, annoyed and everything but not excited and happy. My chicken didn't make him happy at all. He didn't see anything special about the dinner which I made him. The only thing he was looking for was his coke. I thought it' s not the right moment but still I promised Maria I will tell him today.

"I'm pregnant" I told him more loudly than it was needed

"what?"

"we are gonna have a baby" I smiled when I said this words

"Addison, you can't keep the baby!"

"But I want to, Derek. Can you imagine? A son with your curls and my eyes? Wouldn't it be good? A new start?"

"Addison we are junkies, I'm a doctor and you are what? A waitress in McDonald?"

"But,,"

"No, I don't want this child! Who knows if it's even mine! You are a whore for God's sake! I won't care after some stranger's child."

"Derek it's yours! I swear it's your child" I started crying, how could he say it? How can he denny our love? After all of this.

"Whatever, you can't make it, this child is gonna die in a few months, you can't live without drugs"

" I will take less and less I talked about it with doctor, Derek please"

" I don't want to see you, this is not my child, I I found someone else. This is my flat and you and this bastard should leave"

"Derek!" I kneeled before him, cried like I have never cried in my whole life. I didn't know if it was because of hormones or because all this pain in me wanted to get out I just cried on the floor like a slave, I laid and he watched my crying, he didn't say anything, he didn't help me to stand. And then I knew I was alone in this fight.

I was alone in the fight for my child's life.

"Maria, can I stay at yours?"

"Yes I will move to Boston with you"

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I hope it's not that bad :)

sorry for all mistakes, no I don't have a Beta and I don't want to, sorry for it

please review would be nice


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